I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
