my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
