we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
