Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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