I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
