sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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