Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
