I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
