Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
