doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
