i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
