What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
