: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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