Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Randomize
