My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
