I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
