oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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