so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she pinky promised me she was 18
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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