Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
