I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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