he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
