I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My vagina just clenched in fear
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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