I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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