Just fell off a train. Bad.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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