can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
