It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
