you're like a bully in the Christmas story
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
