Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize