You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize