Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
