I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
