my room smells like sperm. sweet.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
