Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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