everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
