Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
