A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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