what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
