You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize