One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
