I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
