i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
