he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
