just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
