Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
