Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
