I never want to see another naked old woman again.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
