I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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