So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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