I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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