I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
