Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
