That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
