Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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