she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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