You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
