My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
