I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize