Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
