I think my vagina is haunted
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
