if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
