she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
