she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
