oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
