..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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