the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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