Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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