Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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