oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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