i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
a search helicopter?!
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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