Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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