i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
