So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
