So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
