I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize