Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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