This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
