He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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