he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
