so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
