i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
