How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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