My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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