Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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