Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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