i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
