you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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