nut hugger
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize