I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
