If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
