He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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