I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
