The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize