I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
