you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
