And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
