yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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