have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
