Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
