He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
