How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
are you so shy because you have an std?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
