I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
